Those who are capable of great violence, capable of causing great damage but choose compassion instead. Those are truly peaceful people.
If you are nice, unable to wreck havoc, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Because I was bullied, I didn’t turn aggressive or violent. I was sad. I knew that the kids who were bullying me had it worse at home. They lived in the same neighbourhood. I could also see the pain in their own eyes. When I started to practice martial arts, the trainers and coaches would often compliment me. Back then I was too shy to care about that, once I started training it was really just fun.
It started with Karate, and I quickly progressed to an orange belt. I think it was within 3 months.
Ironically, one of the bullies who was training a lot longer. He used his white belt skills on me at school, bragged about the training. I was already a fan of Van Damme and Bruce Lee movies, I might have seen the Karate kid too. However, it was that bully from my class that I can be grateful to for prompting me to start training.
To his own surprise, having trained for over 6 months when I reached orange belt, he barely passed the yellow belt exams. It became very obvious that he was becoming increasingly more afraid of me. That actually confused the other kids, because they were mostly relying on his confidence to beat me up.
It was about half a year later, I was preparing for my green belt exams. One of these bullies, he took my place of a class dwarf when he joined us after failing his 5th grade for the 3rd time. I was actually the oldest, and among the smartest in the class until the 5th grade. Not because of anything other than my birthdate. That gave me some respect but on the other hand a lot more trouble anyway.
A few days before that green belt exam, this dwarf wannabe fighting champion got bored and instigated a fight with me in the hallways. At that point, having learned my speed, and my strength I wasn’t afraid of them anymore. The other guy knew it, he actually stopped training a few weeks before and never told anyone (LMFAO). I don’t think anyone expected what was about to happen. I acted scared until we reached the stairs at the end of the hall.
He smiled but before he could even reach me with his hand, I punched him straight in the jaw. his knees wobbled, everyone gasped loudly and took more than a few steps back. At that moment one of the worst teachers when it comes to school fights comes right in, thinks he’s breaking up a fight I already ended. He grabs us both painfully by the shoulder and drags us to the principal’s office.
The principal decided to send me to a school psychologist weekly for a month. I knew it was bullshit, and pointless but obviously I had no choice. I still remember being bored drawing pictures, or telling what I see in the Rorschach test (ROFL).
Anyway, the same day, our lovely dwarf has gathered a bunch of his friends who gang jumped me after school, and beat the shit out of me.
That day, my dad. As much as he never really cared about anything, sees me all muddy and messed up badly. Demands to tell him what happened. Knowing him, and his reactions to everything I refused to tell him. The threat that he’d beat my ass on top of it if I don’t, was convincing enough.
He dragged me to the apartment block of the dwarf, which was about 600m away in a straight line. Dwarf was obviously there bragging to a few other girls how he beat me up.
Dad standing in the back, me still in pain, quite shaken up now standing in front of the dwarf. It’s either dad beating me up, or… I grab him, headbutt – breaks his nose.
Then we leave.
He came back to school two weeks later. Hasn’t said a word.
I wish I would have more from that guy, other than I met him years later in an army uniform. Returning home from his duty. He saw me, recognised me, and really tried hard to avoid eye contact. I laughed my ass off, entered the train wagon where he was seating. I sat down, shook his hand. Asked him about his life, about his health. Then I asked him why he tried to pretend to not recognise me. He admitted that he was scared like a child, he wasn’t sure what I would do to him. Plus he said that I looked scary – sort of punk, metal mix of appearance, and clearly fit. Not big, just fit and strong.
I can’t blame him. What he couldn’t expect is my forgiveness, my compassion. When Facebook became a thing, and many started using it, we had a class reunion. I think about a half of us attended. The other bully from Karate club came, he apologised, expressed his respect for my resilience, and actual strength he saw.
Others who were there, seeing me being so calm about all of the past. Forgiving. They all cracked when I opened up, and told them how I really felt. Sad because I knew that pain comes from an even greater pain – knowing people who are supposed to love you, have hurt you, with intent. That is really hard to deal with as a kid. That’s what these bullies are also going through. I also told them that even more sad part were the kids from the “better” families who either joined the mocking, and psychological abuse, as well as those who stood by, kept silent. These ones really cried crocodile tears, and I didn’t have to really say anything in such detail.
What I did say to them all is that as a child I already knew that their actions reflect back on them, and who they are. I forgave them all long before that reunion.
Real strength and power come from the heart. The muscles are just a vehicle.
When I really had to fight for my life, or just face a much larger dude with no room for escape, I saw what I’m really capable of when there’s no other choice left. Best part is, no one ever got hurt more than it was necessary to control, and subdue them. The actual amount of force and damage I could probably unleash, is far from known to me alone.
Finding that type of training, and sparing partners is extreme level. I’m pretty sure it would teach me a lot about my weaknesses first.
However, if you don’t know you weakness, you don’t know your strengths.
The samurai were excellent warriors, and their lifestyle rituals included art, and emotional expression.
True warriors protect peace and love, and they are comfortable in war.
Being a peaceful warrior, a peaceful person, genuinely good – it triggers people who wish that they could be like that.
Turning ridicule, and pain into your own strength is a choice. It’s a hard, and often lonely, unrewarding path. If it was easy, everyone would be taking it.
It’s lonely because most people, even if they were through hardship, cannot understand the true war that you had to end with yourself.
Finding peace, reconciling with yourself. That is a glorious victory that doesn’t involve red carpets, fanfare and applauses.
The real glory manifests itself in how your life changes instantly. Same challenges, same patterns repeat, faster, and they disappear even faster. The bigger ones take a day to process. The toxic nuisances are just a fly crossing the screen while you’re reading this. You start to see that it’s not a coincidence anymore, or a repetitive spiralling reactions.
Everything shifts when you finally remember what you promised to yourself when you were a child – the purpose, the mission. I found mine again the more I focused on my own peace, the more I was grateful for it. I also realised that this voice was always there, supporting me, rooting for me.
With three small kids, the Covid PsyOps, and the Qanon clowns (how’s your hero Trump?! ) behind us, or not really… That voice was almost completely drowned.
It became weak, tired of watching us both slowly die inside.
Yesterday I was talking to another young voice from another country. I don’t know the voice, but we texted. Through sharing I reminded myself what my promise was.
I promised to myself that I will prove how ultimately none of the circumstances, whether mental or physical can limit anything you can become, achieve and create. Clearly that’s not anything special. Many have done it by accident, or after an accident. People with disabilities who are proving themselves to be often much greater miracles of sheer will power, determination and creativity. The same people often tend to be the funniest, brightest, and wisest souls on this planet. The most chauvinist jokes came from none other than Stephen Hawking (LOL).
Later I also realised that anyone can do what I do, self healing, change your perspectives, train your mind, re-train subconscious. Stay strong and fit through imagination alone. My bones, even though I’m a smoker, heal 5x faster than a healthy non smoking 25 year old. Badly broken collar bone: took 5 weeks to heal up to about 96% according to the doctor who examined me. He agreed he does’t have to check me again, still baffled how the f**k have I done that.
One of the people I met completely by sheer luck is Wim Hof, we talked for about 10 minutes and he told me a few really good secrets that his family is still profiting off from. Don’t blame the guy, he’s a living legend. Things Wim did are mind-blowing but equally possible for anyone. Just ask that other guy who climbed Everest without legs.
Funny thing is, whenever I come across some deep mastery, some secrets that you can’t find anywhere too easy (now you can, but you have to know how to ask the right questions, and be creative about what you’re using, and how you’re using IT for your own inspiration), it often ends up either validating what I knew deep down inside me. Or it gives me insights into seeing things yet again from a very different kind of perspective. Even with my cosmic intuition, great talent for observation, and multilateral thinking which came with hyper-vigilance I still sometimes miss the super simple stuff that gives you a whole different perspective on the emotional world.
Obviously most people live inside their heads, intellectualising life itself. Trying to explain the nature, and our on nature. Then they act shocked, and surprised when there are anomalies, or people able to prove them completely wrong. Doing that consistently, and able to pass the skills and knowledge to others. They don’t have to be good teachers, it just means that they can prove it to be a teachable skill.
Self mastery comes true anything that really comes out of your pure heart, and guided by intention. To master yourself, you must be able to hear your whole body, mind, and soul together. That’s what tuning in means, that’s what alignment means.
We’re all masters, creators, shapeshifters, magicians, and able to shift, shape, and transform reality itself as we are transforming our own experience of ourselves. You’re not what you think you are, you are your thoughts, senses, subconscious, and your higher self all at once. The You that is always invisible to your Self (the Ego) is part of your Whole Oneness: ego, super-ego, animus (subconscious). Light, shadow, awareness.
The stillness in awareness of the eternal dance is what is internal peace.
There are no rights, or wrongs.
You are.
It is.
And even when you finally think that existence means something, that it’s real. The truth is, no one actually knows. We don’t know whether we live in a black hole, strange void or multiverse, a simulation, or a creation according with religions. We don’t know if we were brought here, or evolved here.
Mathematically and physically when you take all the energy in the whole universe, and sum it up. It equals zero. We know that we are yet mathematically we don’t really exist.
Everything is vibration, light is a vibration on its own spectrum of frequencies, sound is vibration of air, radiation is vibration of light in the spectrum invisible to humans and most animals. Everything is a wave, and a particle at the same time.
Which explains why everything around you changes when you start to change yourself. You’re the ones holding the key to your own source code inside your brain.
Just remember, today may not be that day when you flip the tables yet. Know your worth, wait for the moment to present itself.
Love yourself, protect yourself and the ones you love!
And respect life, if death hasn’t come for you by itself, it means you’re worth it. You deserve to show up to yourself.
No one else matters!
Sometimes being alone is your best chance to recognise who’s your real family, who’s a friend and who’s your enemy. Keep them all close, trust only those that your nervous system would take to war with you. Protect the ones that heal your wounds and care for you.
Don’t use your strength, let it use you when it shows it’s right.
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