“This is fine” meme was always so funny and fascinating to me. It really feels exactly what it means to heal from past trauma, and pain. The world itself is on fire, but you’re finally really just fine with yourself, your cup of coffee. Calmly observing the situation, knowing that ultimately you only have control over yourself.
When you don’t pretend who you are, what you’ve been through. What you did to someone, it all just becomes much easier. Even with the purest heart, purest intentions we will all make mistakes. It’s not about what we do right or wrong, but how we treat ourselves and others in any given moment.
In the past I’d fall into a loop of self shaming, because we were all programmed from the early age to perform, and compete in our generation and environment. In schools we weren’t appreciated for our personality. We were appreciated for good grades, good behaviour, appeasing and pleasing the authoritative teachers, and spend most of our free time doing homework in order to further validate our discipline for the careers we didn’t even know we will have.
Today I saw a post that says how to stop looking at yourself as a victim, or a survivor. Those of us who have faced gaslighting, extreme psychological manipulation tactics, and didn’t immediately walk away from it, knowing what is going was wrong aren’t really victims. It’s not that we chose what will happen to us, we did choose to stay. Whether it seemed optional or not, I’d say if your life turns out to be in danger like mine was more than once, you should just leave and figure it out later.
Fact is, you didn’t have to lie about your past to explain what hurt you, and what you don’t want to repeat anymore in your life. Knowing what you want, and don’t want is equally important for your own clarity. You were honest with yourself, and your loved ones.
You didn’t flirt, or cheat because they were everything to you. We’re all a lot more desirable when we’re in a relationship, so clearly there will be opportunities to feed your ego with that attention.
If you didn’t cross that line, you should know you’re not a victim.
You’re actually a very rare kind of a human being. To have that much capacity for love, vulnerability, and still give someone who’s still holding back, avoiding real intimacy so many chances to just free themselves from the loop of shame, you should also know how strong you are. That you are a beautiful soul, and that is what made you attractive to such people.
You have found warmth when no one else could give it to you. You found joy, and happiness in little things when others just chased it in their goals, dreams, and desires. You have remained loyal to your own voice when it was the loneliest, and hardest to keep believing in yourself. You learned to self regulate, and self soothe. Maybe you’re still clinging on some coping mechanisms, but you stopped judging it or forcing it to stop. You know that first step towards healing is self awareness, observation, acceptance, and then comes the awakening with taking action.
Action that comes out of space between response which is most often learned – a masking of true emotion, and reaction which is always subconscious. That space in between is real you. The one that has accepted our mortality, and our vulnerability as one inevitable fact that happens any time, anywhere and we don’t have any control over it. That space between the thought, and emotion. It feels like nothingness, yet it’s everything at once – every possibility you have or have not experienced, it’s all there.
Carl Jung called it The Shadow, and it’s often misunderstood as the dark, negative force. It’s all the unknown within us. The only way to be and stay in touch with this creative yet focused force within us is to drop the mask. Observe you beliefs, where do they come from, what purpose do they serve.
Your thoughts, feelings, whether you like to admit or not, are shaped and formed by beliefs that start from parents and environment where we grow up, and emotional impacts your subconscious mind created when you were a child. Learning to sit right within the space of all that chaos, observing it, and realising that what has happened in the past didn’t reflect on who you are. What you were feeling in that moment shaped your perception of who you are.
The real you is actually always unknown. That’s true for anyone whether they think they have a perfect life, or they are a complete mess.
True power comes from simply stepping into the front seat, knowing that your decision comes from beyond the response, beyond the reaction, taking the time to see what you really want to do and whether you want to do anything at all. That’s why feeling is real power, what you feel is real, not what you think, and how you reacted when you couldn’t even think anymore.
Many great minds have been giving us all the juice and called it a secret.
There are no secrets, you feel, and that’s it. No overthinking, or so called reprogramming will change that.
That’s the reason why great artwork, or best breakthroughs in technology and science are created, people just feel it. Feeling it is what tells you that it’s real. You can feel someone’s anxiety if they’re sitting close to you, and they’re not able to tell you what they need to – truth. You can feel the car on the highway cutting you off before it actually does. That’s your real, pure raw intuition. It feels scary, because it is – no one gave you a user manual on how to be you.
Being real is actually some of the toughest and bravest things to do. Especially in a society where people pleasing, master and servant dynamics, blatant corruption, and pretending everything is alright has become the standard norm just for survival. For those who really want to do the work on themselves, this fake world is even more cruel and toxic. Until you really trust yourself, they will take you for a ride through attachment disorders, mental health labels, your bank account size, your clothes, the quality of a fake smell you use to blend in because you were thought to be ashamed of your natural body and it’s odours. The longer you play the game you haven’t chosen to play, the longer you will claim to have found healing in yoga practices, super foods, filtered water, breathing techniques, and meditation.
Honestly, in the end, none of it really matters if you haven’t done it from feeling it, and loving it.
There are no secret formulas, magic recipes, and programs or labels that work the same for everyone with that label, or a wider range. Fact is that if you’re not bullshitting yourself and no one else around you, you’re not broken, and you definitely don’t need help. What you do need is to do exactly what you feel. It doesn’t mean act on impulse. It means when something feels off, it’s off. You don’t need to have an explanation or a reason right away. Often it will show itself when you’re ready to understand.
Just know that if you believe something, it means you don’t know it. And what you don’t know, in your reality does not exist. What you already know, already exists.
You will be surprised how much your body, your subconscious mind, your intuition already know without you consciously realising. The deepest, and most powerful things are hiding behind our own fears, and places we also haven’t visited and tried yet but we know are there inside us.
Healing doesn’t mean you become perfect, awakening doesn’t mean you found supernatural or magical powers, it means you’ve finally opened up, and surrendered to the fact that nothing is really under your control but you have an amazing power to access everything there ever was, and will be just by observing yourself.
And that is what is just fine even if the world is ending right now.
Much love!
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